The Poison Pie Publishing House presents:

Shaharazad and the 10,001 Diluvian Knights
(link to main page of novel)

March

March 1, 2020
For a young woman of fifteen, we regard Halley as eminently sensible. The source of that sensibility could be traced to her recognition of the fact that her present-day actions would have long term consequences. Therefore, she was conscientious in her studies, even in subjects, such as geometry and chemistry, which held little appeal for her. For a similar reason, Halley was also careful in her interactions with the boys at her school. In both cases, the lesson had been thoroughly drilled into her psyche: the quality of her life heavily relied upon her emerging from high school well-prepared to tackle the rigors of the university. Poor grades and/or teenage pregnancy would derail her dreams for herself. It goes without saying that not all teenagers receive this message and many that do prove unable to take it to heart. Of course, this message also contained an implied fallacy--that a life of meaning was impossible to attain if one did drop out of high school. Halley saw this as an absolute truth rather than a probability based on empirical outcomes. To wrap up this introduction, we summarize by noting that Halley was a representative product of the socioeconomic conditions of the household in which she had been raised.

written while listening to:  Keiji Haino & Yoshihide Otomo - unreleased live recording, track 1 (October 1, 2008, Super Deluxe, Roppongi, Tokyo, Japan, digital files)

March 2, 2020
A recurring topic among the students of Halley's sophomore class revolved around the correct attitude to adopt in the face of impending climate change and the crushing absence of a meaningful response by senior generations, who currently held the reins of government and industry. Many of the approaches advocated by these students possessed a flippancy typical of youth. For example, blaming the baby boomers en masse for waging a decades-long campaign to destroy the Earth with their short-sighted, materialistic narcissism was a frequently voiced position. Beyond memes, students grappled with whether their outlook on life should be fundamentally optimistic or pessimistic. Many avoided embracing a naturally positive-looking perspective for fear of being regarded as naïve by their peers. Beyond escaping ridicule, these students genuinely doubted their own knowledge base. They suspected that, simply out of ignorance of the extent of the problem, they risked deceiving themselves into believing that humanity could extricate itself from the dilemma it had wrought. As they struggled through chemistry class and the ordinary development of the adolescent brain and body, Halley and her classmates wrestled with this existential question.

written while listening to:  Keiji Haino & Yoshihide Otomo - unreleased live recording, track 2 (October 1, 2008, Super Deluxe, Roppongi, Tokyo, Japan, digital files)

March 3, 2020
At the private school in which Halley was enrolled, students took a semester of religion each year. When the conversation in class turned to climate change, the teacher, a man not so old to have forgotten any sympathy for the perspective of teenagers, suggested they read the account of Noah in Genesis for guidance. His reasoning was as follows: since the precedent of a global flood existed, they might study it so as to find some guidance as they faced their own environmental cataclysm, admittedly part drought and wildfire but also part deluge and rising ocean levels. None of the students had read Noah with this purpose. Distracted by the Biblical insistence that Noah was six hundred years old when the flood struck, some students failed to find any meaningful insight in a story they dismissed as no more real than a fairy tale. Halley was disturbed by the fact that as soon as the flood ended, Noah planted a vineyard and, with the first harvest, got drunk only to pass out naked in his tent. One of his sons, Ham, saw him in this state, which irritated Noah so much that he cursed Ham's son, Canaan, to be the lowest servant of all his other grandchildren. Halley drew her own lesson from this story, which she shared with the class. "Noah was a total jerk. What's the point of a global cataclysm if, as soon as it's done, people like that take over the world again?"

written while listening to:  Keiji Haino & Yoshihide Otomo - unreleased live recording, track 3 (October 1, 2008, Super Deluxe, Roppongi, Tokyo, Japan, digital files)

March 4, 2020
The story of Noah provides an early example of a kind of profound apophenia. We suppose that there can be no greater misattribution of meaning than imbuing a natural disaster with divine purpose, such as cleansing the Earth of evil men. Even Halley, not fully emerged from childhood, recognized in Noah's drunkenness and vindictive curse the failure of the ostensible goal of the flood. And yet that was not the greatest revelation. Indeed, the realization that there was no purpose to the flood at all was the most significant epiphany for the students in that classroom. The recognition of the intrinsic meaninglessness of events that govern the lives of humanity often first occurs to individuals during their high school years. We think of the resulting teenage angst as an uncomfortable but transient phase, which we ascribe to a developing mind. For many, a more stable perspective awaits them in adulthood, one in which they have managed to banish the specter of pointlessness to a dark corner of their mind. However, the existential threat posed by climate change casts a light into this shadowed corner, returning its crouching subject to the center of attention. It hardly seems fair to burden young people with a genuine existential dread beyond the mundane fact of teenage angst, but it does little good to dispute that humanity has arrived at this unfortunate juncture.

written while listening to:  Keiji Haino, Mitsuru Nasuno & Eiko Ishibashi - unreleased live recording, track 1 (October 8, 2008, O-nest, Shibuya, Tokyo, Japan, digital file)

March 5, 2020
Through-out history and continuing to this day, one may find sects populated by members who believe that the end-times are upon us. In congregations especially fervent in their convictions, the preparations may involve suicide. Of course, those of us who remain after the deed may scoff at their foolishness, for the world rather obviously continues to stumble forward. Still, it won't be long until another group proclaims the end of the world, if they haven't started doing so already. Climate change gives the scientifically-inclined reason to participate in this very human pursuit.

We suppose that the readiness to anticipate a communal apocalypse arises from the inherently transient nature of an individual human life. Putting aside the inarguable fact of our mortality, many find daily instability in a rash of localized endings, whether it be of a job, a marriage or merely a dashed dream. Living as we do in the midst of a whirlwind of minor, individual apocalypses, it is small wonder that we extrapolate our experiences to the rest of the world.

For those who suffer, the imminent prospect of a cataclysm, some distinctly finite time in the future, brings a variety of relief unavailable elsewhere.

written while listening to:  Sanhedrin - unreleased live recording, track 1 (October 23, 2008, Super Deluxe, Roppongi, Tokyo, Japan, digital files)

March 6, 2020
The students at Halley's high school joined a national movement to express their outrage at the absence of a responsible plan to prevent the worsening of the impending environmental catastrophe by organizing a school boycott. Beneath an overcast sky, students gathered in a market square downtown, located not far from the city government building. Reporters interviewed one student after another who expressed their indignation over the irresponsibility of their elected leaders to address the causes of climate change. Camera men from local television stations filmed students locking arms and chanting in unison slogans, some intended to inspire and others to condemn. Halley attended this rally though she could not understand its ultimate goal. They would not maintain the boycott until the issue was resolved, for it appeared most probable that a combination of inertia and short-term interests would continue to push humanity toward disaster. The next day she and her classmates would return to school having accomplished nothing. She kept these doubts to herself since the rally was no place to diminish the enthusiasm of her peers. To the contrary, she supposed an optimism was required to sustain their zeal. She wondered as to the best source to find a credible basis for such hope.

written while listening to:  Sanhedrin - unreleased live recording, track 2 (October 23, 2008, Super Deluxe, Roppongi, Tokyo, Japan, digital files)

March 7, 2020
On Saturday morning, while her parents remained asleep upstairs, Halley practiced her clarinet. It was an instrument of her own choosing on which she had been taking lessons for nearly six years. The spring recital was yet a month removed, but she had already mastered the piece that she intended to play, "Chant in the Night" written by Sidney Bechet. When first learning the song, she had listened to Bechet's 1938 recording, though she no longer did so in order that she might find her own way through the music. Halley did not desire for her interpretation to mimic exactly the clarinet of Bechet but she did not strive to deviate far from the original. The song was a languid, jazz melody, which appealed to her artistic sensibilities. Her parents did not complain overly about waking up to this sound filling the house. She played the piece numerous times, adjusting the pacing in minute ways that were apparent only to her. In truth, one variation did not seem especially superior to any others; this music possessed its own beauty that was made manifest regardless of the prism of the performer through which it was refracted.

written while listening to:  Sanhedrin - unreleased live recording, track 3 (October 23, 2008, Super Deluxe, Roppongi, Tokyo, Japan, digital files)

March 8, 2020
Halley informed her parents that she would miss a week of classes because she intended to travel to Washington, DC to protest the government's inaction with respect to climate change. Her mother was superficially sympathetic because she, at least recognized that the impact, which climate change was already beginning to have on her daughter's generation, would only grow more serious in the future. However, she was dissatisfied with Halley's answers to specific questions regarding the logistics of the trip.

"How are you going to get to DC?"

"I'll ride with a friend."

"All your friends are fifteen. Which of them can drive?"

"Some seniors are going too."

Attempting to hide her alarm at the notion of her daughter traveling across country with unknown seniors, the mother countered, "Why not hold your protest locally? We need grass roots action in every city. You and your friends would have more of an impact here because this is your home. The mayor might be more inclined to listen; your parents pay property taxes."

Although she had expected some resistance, Halley rolled her eyes. "I'm talking about the future of the Earth and you're talking about property taxes!"

Halley's mother refused to approve of the trip until her father came home and shared his opinion.

written while listening to:  Damo Suzuki, Keiji Haino, Tatsuya Yoshida, Seiichi Yamamoto & Helena Espvall - unreleased live recording, track 1 (November 16, 2008, UFO Club, Koenji, Tokyo, Japan, digital files)

March 9, 2020
Before Halley spoke to her father, her phone was flooded with text messages from her friends, bemoaning their parents' objections on a variety of grounds. Some found flaw with the schedule. Spring break was the following week, so they could, at the very least, postpone the trip so as not to miss class. Children of parents, who most strongly felt the financial burden of private school, relayed objections on the grounds of wasting a week of tuition. Another girl put in quotes her father's admonition that "Activist is not a vocation." In a rambling message she attempted to reconstruct the points of his argument, in which he suggested that she become a lawyer or a local business owner, where she would be better able to advocate for change from a position of stability and power. Her text concluded, "I'll join you all in DC, just as soon as my business is up and running!" A sad-faced emoji was appended to the message. Halley welcomed these arguments since they allowed her to compose and rehearse her rebuttals to each before they emerged from her own father's voice.

written while listening to:  Damo Suzuki, Keiji Haino, Tatsuya Yoshida, Seiichi Yamamoto & Helena Espvall - unreleased live recording, track 2 (November 16, 2008, UFO Club, Koenji, Tokyo, Japan, digital files)

March 10, 2020
On the subject of her proposed trip to DC, Halley found her father strangely malleable, although she could not have guessed the reason. Unbeknownst to Halley, her father had once suffered an extended delusion, which had begun when he was a child and had continued into his college years. During that lengthy period, he had been visited nightly by visions of phantasmal squids. This ordeal had profoundly impacted his development as a human being. As a father he took great comfort in the observation that Halley appeared to have avoided entirely any trace of these nightmares. The idea of rallying to some communal cause, which now consumed Halley, could never have occurred to her father when he was fifteen because he had been utterly preoccupied with hiding from everyone the fact that he was plagued by cephalopodic nightmares. Being confronted by the demands of a willful daughter allowed him to experience the very common anxieties of a father, which relieved him by the mere fact of their ordinariness. Although he was not a religious man, he again silently gave thanks to some abstract power that his daughter had not turned out like him.

written while listening to:  Keiji Haino & Ikuro Takahashi - unreleased live recording, tracks 1-5 (November 24, 2008, Jam, Shinjuku, Tokyo, Japan, digital files)

March 11, 2020
As a result of his failure to unambiguously prohibit Halley from participating in the climate change protest in DC, Cole was elected by a majority of concerned parents to the dual positions of chauffeur and chaperone. He managed to get off work at short notice and borrowed an enormous SUV from the father of one of Halley's friends, who accompanied them. In this vehicle, he was joined by seven high school girls. Provoked by the poignancy of their undertaking, full-throated declarations of their commitment to battling the nefarious forces behind environmental exploitation rang out repeatedly over the course of the more than ten hour drive. They decried the petrochemical corporations who profited in the short-term, while annually pumping gigatons of greenhouse gases into the atmosphere. The girls also condemned the federal lawmakers who, having been bought by the fossil fuel lobby, derailed any legislation intended to begin even modest attempts at addressing the issue. While Halley and the other girls found the mixture of cataclysmic doom and concrete political activism intoxicating, Cole concentrated on driving. In long stretches, he mentally reviewed lines of code or the organization of subroutines for the project that he had left untended at the office.

written while listening to:  Keiji Haino & Ikuro Takahashi - unreleased live recording, tracks 6-10 (November 24, 2008, Jam, Shinjuku, Tokyo, Japan, digital files)

March 12, 2020
The girls were of a mind that their problems were largely a creation of previous generations, who were now sufficiently advanced in years that they would not suffer the full consequences of their self-indulgent way of living. They generously supposed that to have erred in ignorance of the repercussions was a forgivable offense. However, once the seriousness of the threat had been made clear, the insistence on maintaining a life propped up by the cheap comforts of fossil fuels, at the expense of future generations, infuriated them. "How do you justify that attitude?" one girl demanded of Halley's father, as he drove them down the interstate.

Cole attempted to assure them that he was merely an innocent bystander, stuck between generations. Surely, the proper targets of their ire were the Baby Boomers, not the hapless members of Generation X, who followed. To this logic the girls reluctantly agreed. Halley's father was useless rather than criminal. Cole took no offense.

There is a particular kind of person who finds succor in inutility. Despite Cole's other unpalatable traits, this sliver of his character appeals to us.

written while listening to:  Keiji Haino & Laptop Orchestra - unreleased live recording, track 1 (November 28, 2008, Super Deluxe, Roppongi, Tokyo, Japan, digital files)

March 13, 2020
Cole left the borrowed vehicle in Virginia as he and his party took the Blue Line into DC. The number of passengers on the train gradually increased as they approached their destination. However, they were not prepared for the crush of the throng that greeted them when they stepped out onto the National Mall. Many students were present in the crowd. Cole allowed the girls to lead, moving as best they were able toward the stage, where speakers were planned later in the day. He trailed behind, until Halley, looking over her shoulder, thought he had drifted too far away. She snagged him by the arm and drew him closer to the group, lest he be separated in the dense tussle.

Halley and her friends joined vociferously in the various cheers and anthems that emerged through-out the day. Cole looked on benevolently, but did not accompany them. It was not in his nature to express himself in this way. He did sign several petitions when clipboards were thrust in front of him, although he was not always sure of the content. His first attempt to clearly understand the intent of a petition was met with exasperation by the volunteer gathering signatures. After that he intuited that the purpose of this gathering was not education so much as a raw demonstration of dissatisfaction with the lack of action by the occupants of the seats of power in the nation's capital.

written while listening to:  Keiji Haino & Laptop Orchestra - unreleased live recording, track 2 (November 28, 2008, Super Deluxe, Roppongi, Tokyo, Japan, digital files)

March 14, 2020
Halley and her friends spent the night in a reasonably priced motel about an hour southwest of DC. Cole, who had a room to himself, expected some rambunctious behavior but the girls were exhausted from the long day. Still, on the following morning, when he was eager to leave as early as possible to start the long drive, he proved unable to get the girls into the vehicle before eleven o'clock. They seemed a somber lot on that ride home. Nothing had changed. Humanity would continue to willingly facilitate the degradation of their planet. The poor and the vulnerable would, as usual, bear the brunt of the suffering. Of course, Cole could have told them all these things without ever leaving the comfort of his living room. However, he understood that some lessons young people simply have to experience for themselves.

He overheard hushed conversations between his passengers regarding how they might best continue efforts to effect change once they were back in the classroom. Cole's suggestion to write their federal congressman was met with undisguised derision. They hailed from a state in which both senators were members of the Republican party, an organization as cavalier in its attitude toward the environment as any to be found.

written while listening to:  Keiji Haino, Makoto Kawabata & Tatsuya Yoshida - unreleased live recording, tracks 1-7 (December 19, 2008, Club Mission's, Koenji, Tokyo, Japan, digital files)

March 15, 2020
Halley regaled her mother with tales of their heroic exploits as they had chanted calls to action before the Capitol Building and the White House. Elaine listened attentively, though more than once she cast her gaze to Cole, who sat at the kitchen table, drinking coffee as he scrolled through emails on his phone. She supposed that it had required some degree of restraint for him to have been bombarded for three days by the youthful enthusiasm of his companions on the trip.

Later, Elaine whispered to her husband that she would thank him for discharging his fatherly duties so admirably with some enthusiasm of her own. He perked up at this suggestion and whole-heartedly agreed, "I deserve it."

In private, Cole admitted to his wife that, all things considered, he had enjoyed the trip. He shared with her his view that it had been an experiment. He accepted that no perceptible change would occur as a result of their action. The interesting part was to observe Halley's next steps. Would she continue along this path, knowing the insignificance of her role? "I think we will learn a lot about what kind of person she is."

written while listening to:  Keiji Haino, Makoto Kawabata & Tatsuya Yoshida - unreleased live recording, tracks 8-15 (December 19, 2008, Club Mission's, Koenji, Tokyo, Japan, digital files)

March 16, 2020
At work Cole read an article about the discovery of an exotic exoplanet, named, WASP-76b, which was tidally locked in its orbit around a star, such that the temperature on its bright side was sufficiently hot (2400 °C) to vaporize iron. The temperature on the perpetually dark side was only 1500 °C, resulting in a sharp thermal gradient that drove powerful winds, which carried the iron vapor into the darkness. There the vapor cooled and condensed into droplets, which fell as iron rain. When Cole arrived home from work, Halley shared with him an essay describing the anthropogenic origins of climate change on Earth, so he reciprocated by providing a synopsis of the weather on WASP-76b. "Talk about a place that could use a little climate change," he said by way of conclusion. Halley rolled her eyes at her father's flippant response; she did not appreciate having her concerns trivialized. As for Cole, this exchange prompted him to consider, once again, such imponderables as the transience of the human condition and the arrogant and narrow perspective of mankind with regard to the cosmic significance of the survival of their species.

written while listening to:  Keiji Haino & Chiko Hige - unreleased live recording, tracks 1-3 (January 25, 2009, UFO Club, Koenji, Tokyo, Japan, digital files)

March 17, 2020
Outside spring progressed blindly, following a long-established pattern. Between bundles of onion greens sprouting above the grass, robins fought on the front lawn. Sapsuckers gathered in plain view in numbers not seen any other time of the year. Elaine pointed the woodpeckers out to Halley, who marveled at the beauty of their form, color and rhythm. The daughter found in this vernal demonstration an unequivocal call to action. The health of the planetary ecosystem demanded that humanity restore its balance in order to preserve the existence of every other species on Earth.

As for Cole, he could not help but suspect that the robins exaggerated a vehemence beyond that necessary to the task at hand. The universe was in a state of constant change. That one thing should vanish to be replaced by another was only as it should be. Still, he too was fond of the sapsuckers and rued his complicity in the processes that were inexorably leading to their demise.

written while listening to:  Keiji Haino & Chiko Hige - unreleased live recording, tracks 4-7 (January 25, 2009, UFO Club, Koenji, Tokyo, Japan, digital files)

March 18, 2020
Perhaps it was whimsical caprice, provoked by spring blossoms and bird song, that prompted Halley to announce to her parents that she was going to change the world. Her resolve only strengthened when her mother responded by saying, "I never expected anything less of you." Halley then maneuvered them into the role of conspirators by next declaring that she needed their help. "Of course," Cole replied, as if her request caused him no inconvenience whatsoever. What else were parents good for if not to help their children? That the aid should be directed toward a noble outcome was icing on the cake. Halley presented a list, which had been composed in collaboration with several of her friends, of initial goals. Cole looked it over and suggested that she first prioritize them according to two distinct criteria: impact and feasibility. After that, she and her friends could decide which actions to pursue, based on a weighted consideration of what they could realistically accomplish and whether it would mean anything if they did. Halley found this advice useful in an irritating sort of way.

written while listening to:  Keiji Haino, Eiko Ishibashi, Tsuneo Imahori, Mitsuru Nasuno & Yoshihide Otomo - unreleased live recording, tracks 1-4 (February 8, 2009, Showboat, Koenji, Tokyo, Japan, digital files)

March 19, 2020
Elaine examined her daughter's prioritized list. It had been typed and bore the title, "Making the Word a Better Place". The first item on the list was converting her high school entirely to renewable energy by installing a farm of solar panels on the expansive, flat roof of the building. From documents available online, Halley had found the area of the building to be 203,000 square feet and a reasonable electricity charge of eighty cents per square foot annually, for a total expenditure of $162,000 per year. At ten cents per kilowatt-hour, this corresponded to 16,200 kWh. Based on her geographical location, she determined that she would need a photovoltaic system capable of generating 120 kW. At one dollar per Watt for the solar panels and another two dollars per Watt for installation, this equated to $360,000. Halley concluded that that the school system could shift entirely to solar power and recoup their investment in less than three years. Cole checked the math and verified that Halley's estimates seemed reasonable, though the sizing of the photovoltaic system seemed low. Even if Halley's calculations were off by a factor of two, it remained a compelling option. In any case, once Halley typed a cover letter, Cole both mailed and emailed a copy of the analysis to the mayor, the school superintendent and the city director of engineering.

written while listening to:  Keiji Haino, Eiko Ishibashi, Tsuneo Imahori, Mitsuru Nasuno & Yoshihide Otomo - unreleased live recording, tracks 5-8 (February 8, 2009, Showboat, Koenji, Tokyo, Japan, digital files)

March 20, 2020
Halley and her friends were not content to sit idly while the leaders of the city government contemplated plans for converting local high schools to renewable energy. In any case, since these girls were enrolled at a private school, the city had no control over their budget. When they delivered the proposal to their own leadership, the students were met with appreciative thanks, followed by the promise to evaluate their energy options in a deliberate manner. Implementation of their idea would be years away, if it ever occurred.

With the impatient energy of youth, Halley and her friends moved onto other items on their to-do list. In an attempt to reduce greenhouse gas emissions from transportation to school, they hoped to better motivate carpooling. The idea of charging for parking as a means of encouraging students to share rides was floated. A financial penalty was a punitive measure. The girls also tried to think of positive motivations--special parking spaces, five minute early dismissal to leave school before the traffic began, or a special citation for sustainability at the end of the year. While none of them desired to be thought of as jaded, they all agreed that the knowledge of virtuously contributing to "making the world a better place" was insufficient incentive to mobilize the portion of the population necessary to make a significant impact.

written while listening to:  Keiji Haino, Masataka Fujikake & Daisuke Fuwa - unreleased live recording, tracks 1-9 (March 5, 2009, 7th Floor, Shibuya, Tokyo, Japan, digital files)

March 21, 2020
A third item on the girls' list of improvements to the world was the reduction of meat in their high school cafeteria. They had found multiple sites on the internet, which reported similar values for the greenhouse gas emissions generated to produce a kilogram of various foods. Beef had more than ten times the environmental impact compared to rice or beans. In an effort to convince her peers to more readily modify their diets, one of the girls wrote a petition to the school leadership, requesting that the vegetarian options in the cafeteria be expanded beyond cheese pizza. They carefully did not insist that all their classmates become vegetarians; significant reductions in the global impact of one's diet could be achieved with less drastic measures. Chicken and tuna each had less than a quarter of the greenhouse gas emissions compared to beef. They distributed flyers at school arranging no-beef Wednesdays. The girls did not advocate public shaming of students who chose not to participate, even those who made it a point to flaunt their carnivorous habits and to mock others who forsook meat for being duped by a left-wing conspiracy created to undermine the American beef and pork industries. At home, Halley's tolerance was considerably reduced. Red meat was stricken from the menu, much to the silent dismay of Cole, who was overly fond of ham.

written while listening to:  Keiji Haino, Masataka Fujikake & Daisuke Fuwa - unreleased live recording, tracks 10-18 (March 5, 2009, 7th Floor, Shibuya, Tokyo, Japan, digital files)

March 22, 2020
Several times Elaine said to her husband in private, "I am so proud of our daughter." In justifying her efforts to her mother, Halley had recently used the phrase "intergenerational equity", a term that she had surely picked up from her reading. For the next three days, Elaine went about the house repeating intergenerational equity to herself as if it were a meditative mantra, along the lines of Gate gate pāragate pārasaṃgate bodhi svāhā.* While she was amazed that Halley, at her young age, was already thinking about the welfare of future generations, Elaine also felt some guilt for not having responded better to that twinge in her conscience when she herself had engaged in acts that she knew to be self-indulgent and ultimately at the expense of others. As for Cole, he supposed that Elaine confided to him in order to reassure herself, while she could, against the failure and resignation that would inevitably follow, once Halley realized the fruitlessness of her efforts.

*The Heart Sutra of the Perfection of Wisdom, c. 649 AD. This mantra can be translated as, "Gone, gone, gone beyond, completely gone beyond! Awakened! So be it."

written while listening to:  Keiji Haino & Yoshio Hayakawa - unreleased live recording, tracks 1-7 (April 12, 2009, Jam, Shinjuku, Tokyo, Japan, digital files)

March 23, 2020
Halley was not without a certain degree of self-awareness. She understood that she had made a conscious decision to press issues that others preferred to ignore. In a moment of doubt, the fifteen-year-old asked her mother, "Am I acting foolishly? Do you think everything I am trying to accomplish will fail?"

The second question was easier for Elaine to answer, so she started there. "I don't know what will happen. I don't know how long it will take for people to move to lifestyles that don't contribute to climate change. It seems certain that we will experience some consequences, if we aren't already. Clearly we need to do more." In articulating her response to the second question, the answer to the first became clear. "What you are doing is right. What can be foolish about putting your efforts to the common good? Even if some of your plans do not materialize, can you imagine having spent your time and energy in a better way?"

written while listening to:  Keiji Haino & Keisuke Ohta - unreleased live recording, tracks 1-3 (August 23, 2009, Lady Jane, Shimokitazawa, Tokyo, Japan, digital files)

March 24, 2020
Not content with her mother's support, Halley sought a second opinion from her father. He was seated in the recliner with the television tuned to a news channel but muted, while he responded to email on his cell phone. "Do you think I am doing the right thing?" she asked him.

Cole felt a surge of relief at this question. He had feared that the query would require him to abandon the truth. Had Halley asked, "Do you think that anything I do will matter at all?", he would have been forced to come up with a creative reply that allowed him to reassure his daughter while at the same time skirting his own conviction of impending doom. Some time ago, Cole had ceased to regard utility as a virtue, so in no way did he think of judging the merit of his daughter's, or for that matter anyone else's, actions in terms of their eventual consequence. Cole found great comfort in the notion that many right actions were useless! "Of course, you are doing the right thing," he answered with what he supposed was genuine confidence.

written while listening to:  Keiji Haino & Keisuke Ohta - unreleased live recording, tracks 4-7 (August 23, 2009, Lady Jane, Shimokitazawa, Tokyo, Japan, digital files)

March 25, 2020
Halley also launched a campaign to encourage individuals in her immediate circle of acquaintances to engage in daily behavior that reduced their carbon footprint. Having successfully recruited her parents to the cause, she next turned to her extended family. Halley reached out to her Aunt Claire. There was some trouble in organizing a visit, since, despite the fact that Claire owned an electric vehicle, Halley was opposed to her making a trip solely for this purpose. Claire waited for a day when she had several errands to run that brought her near her sister's neighborhood, then picked up Halley. The two conducted their discussion in the car as they gaily traveled from one store to the next, then concluded it in a local coffee shop. Halley's admiration for Claire, a single, independent professional, only grew when Claire readily agreed to all of her niece's suggestions, noting that she had already adopted many of them. However, the aunt did not want Halley to feel that such accommodations would come as easily with each person with whom she met. She warned her saying, "It is no bother for me to do as you ask, because I already agree with you and I have a degree of financial freedom to change my habits, even at some expense to my pocketbook. Not everyone has this flexibility." Claire knew that Halley next intended to approach her grandparents, whom she suspected would be less receptive to their granddaughter's message.

written while listening to:  Keiji Haino & Ami Yamazaki - unreleased live recording, track 1 (February 20, 2010, Lady Jane, Shimokitazawa, Tokyo, Japan, digital files)

March 26, 2020
In visiting her maternal grandparents, Halley again faced the dilemma that she did not want the greenhouse gas emissions generated by her efforts to exceed the potential savings of any lifestyle change that she might persuade others to embrace. Still, she felt that an appeal in person was likely to be much more effective than a telephone call. Elaine contrived a need to visit her parents in order to assuage Halley's reservations. "We haven't seen them in almost a month."

Mother and daughter drove the forty minutes outside town admiring the dogwood trees blossoming in white and the cherry trees in pink. Elaine took the opportunity to advise her daughter that she should not set her expectations too high. Her parents lived at the edge of a small town on a lot of several acres, on which they had for decades grown vegetables and tended chickens. There was no mass transit. The local utility company did not accommodate residential solar panels. More than any practical limitations, she stressed that her parents had lived a long time with a sense of proud independence. They would not take kindly to being told that their way of life was destroying the planet for future generations. "Be gentle with them," she advised.

written while listening to:  Keiji Haino & Ami Yamazaki - unreleased live recording, track 2 (February 20, 2010, Lady Jane, Shimokitazawa, Tokyo, Japan, digital files)

March 27, 2020
The task of maintaining a respectful civility in the face of the flagrant falsehoods, which her grandparents parroted, was much more difficult than Halley had anticipated. They had listened for years to the television station that served as the president's propaganda tool. They had memorized numerous talking points. "Climate change is a hoax invented by the Chinese to make American businesses less competitive." Halley attempted to convey to them that this simply wasn't true. She implored them to accept the global consensus of scientists who predicted that, if human generation of greenhouse gases continued on its current trajectory, terrible suffering from droughts, fires, floods and rising sea levels would result. Her words found no purchase with her grandparents. "Scientists are part of the liberal elite; they have their own agenda. Even scientists admit that their models contain great uncertainty. They are exaggerating the danger. Besides, what about the coal miners in West Virginia? How are they going to feed their kids if you take their jobs away from them?"

Elaine very much regretted facilitating this wholly unproductive exchange between her parents and her daughter. For her efforts, she was subject to forty-minutes of an alternating sequence of explosive tirades and infuriated fuming from Halley during the ride home.

written while listening to:  Keiji Haino, Doronco & Sami - unreleased live recording, tracks 1-8 (March 22, 2010, Chikyu-ya, Kunitachi, Tokyo, Japan, digital files)

March 28, 2020
Halley took a short hiatus from her efforts to make the world a better place in order to recuperate from the ordeal of confronting the vapid indoctrination of her baby boomer grandparents. She had not yet recovered from her knee-jerk reaction that she would never be able to speak to them again. Of course, she kept this impulse to herself, since, after her initial outburst during the ride home, she did not want to upset her mother. Halley reluctantly accepted that she would eventually get over it. She had no choice but to forgive them for their ignorance and gullibility. This admission, while necessary for her personally, forced her to confront the fact that the resistance to acknowledging the need to address climate change was deeply seated in the American psyche. She had previously heard politicians denounce energy conservation as un-American because, they claimed, the country had become great by growth not by tightening the belt. However, it struck her more poignantly to hear her loved ones espouse essentially the same philosophy. She now recognized that, when experts stated that the change from fossil fuel to renewable energy was a generational process, it was not strictly due to the existing capital investments in refineries and coal-fired power plants, as was usually argued, but also due to the ingrained beliefs of older people who had little interest in any goal beyond maintaining a reasonable status quo for as long as they were able to remain on Earth.

written while listening to:  Keiji Haino & Masataka Fujikake - unreleased live recording, tracks 1-4 (February 1, 2009, Stormy Monday, Kannai, Yokohama, Japan, digital files)

March 29, 2020
Despite the experience with her maternal grandparents, Halley asked her father to drive her down to his mother's house, who lived alone since the death of her husband nearly a decade ago. Cole's mother now dwelt almost exactly as her mother-in-law had during Cole's childhood, a solitary figure confined largely to her house, seemingly content to be left alone. "Why?" Cole asked his daughter. He had no desire to upset this woman.

Halley insisted on the visit. So, on a Sunday afternoon, she and Cole traveled to his childhood home in the south of the city. In stark contrast to the timeless, pastoral aspect of Halley's other grandparents' abode, this neighborhood had not aged well. Every time Halley visited, it seemed there was a new sign of decay, either another window boarded up or a black rectangle outlining the foundation where a house had burned to the ground. There were few occupants in the small front yards of the houses and, when a resident happened to catch the eye of Halley as she looked out the window of the truck, she sensed a distinctly unfriendly sentiment. Cole, who, as a child had always felt like he did not belong here, now in his middle-age felt a comfort in the forbidding neighborhood, possible only for one who had been raised therein.

written while listening to:  Keiji Haino & Masataka Fujikake - unreleased live recording, tracks 5-8 (February 1, 2009, Stormy Monday, Kannai, Yokohama, Japan, digital files)

March 30, 2020
Halley sat with her grandmother at the kitchen table, while Cole went in the backyard to look at a gutter that had fallen free at one end and now hung from the house. He climbed the ladder his father had kept in the garage and observed that there was substantial rot in the fascia attached to the rafter tail. He stepped into the house to alert the women that he was headed to the hardware store, where he bought a two by six, cut it at an angle and scabbed it onto the existing rafter to provide secure mooring for the gutter. The entire operation, including travel time, took about three and a half hours. Thus, Halley and her grandmother had ample opportunity to discuss a range of topics. Fortunately, Halley did not immediately tackle behavioral changes designed to mitigate anthropogenic climate change.

Instead, she watched the old women drink her black coffee slowly. Between sips, she crossed her thin arms across her chest and leaned back in her chair. She did not recall ever having such an expansive conversation with Cole. "You," she said, "are the only blood relation Cole has ever known." Halley assured her that Cole loved her no less for being adopted; though she admitted that he wasn't an expert at expressing his emotions. "Blood doesn't matter so much," she said. The old woman shook her age-spotted face. "It's easy for you to say because you've never been given away."

written while listening to:  Black Stage - unreleased live recording, tracks 1-2 (March 26, 2010, Manda-La 2, Kichijoji, Tokyo, Japan, digital files)

March 31, 2020
Halley examined the yellowed linoleum flooring, the appliances that appeared as relics meticulously preserved from decades long past and her grandmother, garbed in a blouse worn nearly as thin as the woman who wore it. She found herself either unable or unwilling to recommend lifestyle changes that would result in a reduction of her grandmother's carbon footprint. Instead, she shared her on-going attempts to transform her school into a carbon neutral institution. The grandmother nodded from time to time. We suppose that these were sincere gestures since we do not suspect the old widow of a tendency to either superficial niceties or subterfuge. However, when Halley paused long enough to give her a moment to speak, she revealed the limits of her interest in the subject of conversation, asking, "I think you would make a wonderful doctor. You certainly have the brains for it." Halley was familiar with her father's lament that his failure to pursue a medical degree had been a lasting disappointment to his parents. She was filled with a grim foreboding that this particular familial legacy had just been transferred to the next generation. The presentiment of becoming a profound disappointment weighed heavily on her during the drive home with her father.

written while listening to:  Black Stage - unreleased live recording, track 3 (March 26, 2010, Manda-La 2, Kichijoji, Tokyo, Japan, digital files)

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